Poptart
Desire

Urg… past these few nights I’ve been dreaming of me being lovey dovey with other people I don’t know or made up in my head. I haven’t had any lovey dovey dreams of my husband and it kind of bothers me. We do talk when we can but he never really shows that he desires me I always feel like I have to ask him to desire me or tell him to. It’s kind of boring… I mean don’t get me wrong I love him but I haven’t had any affection in like 4 months not even verbal affection I mean he tells me he loves me and misses me sometimes but there is never “I desire you” :/ I’m even catching myself looking for attention or compliments from other people… I hate that feeling. Josh said I think too much and I need to get out of the house and I have like every single day I haven’t even had a game or anime day only maybe couple hours. Well I am excited I get to see him next month  ^_^ I do miss him very much.

Insecurity Dreams

So last night I had a dream that I was with a group of friends and we were all visiting a beach. We scuba dived in the river/bay area and we could see the houses above our heads. I scuba dived a few times before in real life so I had a better imagination in the dream, was very realistic and pretty. I saw my husband and he was acting distant with me the whole time in my dream. Which is odd I still enjoyed the dream but had mixed feelings like he wasn’t really into me. I must very insecure subconsciously because sense he has been deployed I have many dreams like this where he is distant with me or with another girl. I do know cheating happens a lot in the military probably a good 8 out of 10 of us wives cheat or get cheated on. My husband is currently in Africa and talks to me quite a bit, he works a lot too from my understandings, I believe the most he does is have pizza and go to the casinos. I don’t think he is cheating on me and I think he loves me so I don’t understand why I had this worry. I have been working out very hard so he can be impressed by me. I think many of us military wives go through the same thing. In a way I’m lucky than most military wives because I do not have a child yet. I think that is a hard for a military wife to have the kids, the sacrifice of not being with their lover and the possibilities of him cheating on you or leaving you for someone else in another country, it’s just a stressful lifestyle at times. We also have to sacrifice a lot, our family, our friends, we get put where they are stationed at than not see them for several months at a time, than we go on facebook or some social network and we see our friend complain about how they haven’t seen their man for a week, they freak out, their super paranoid that he is cheating, it’s irritating and insulting to us, whats even more irritating is how ignorant some of our friends can be they think were making “bank” great “lifestyle” the “benefits” they don’t understand all the sacrifices most of us have to make for these small benefits.